Two months later. With a travel backpack on my back, I walked through the aisles of Berlin’s Tegel Airport. Tocotronic on the ears, Saturday is suicide. That’s a different site, I thought, checked my luggage and headed for the gate. The plane was half empty. It was January. A window seat and I was happy…
After all, the bang did not come suddenly. The timing did, but everything else was foreseeable. The decision to continue as a single person was already made before being single had occurred. Because everything else was there: father-to-be, friends, job, family, securities. And, of course, the desire. The dear psyche only first had to be…
At some point, the data became dull and if it hadn’t gone further, it would probably have stayed at a hey, and what do you do. So we set about getting to know each other (man 3). Dinners with friends and alone, at home and in restaurants, parties, short vacations, walks, movies, theater, museums, reading…
Man 1: down-to-earth, educated, wealthy. We were nervous, as if it was about the great love. The first phone calls with a shaky voice and a slip of the tongue in every other sentence. The first meeting was a hit. Coffee and cake on an outgoing summer day. Hug at the end, yeah sure, next…
It was always dark. It was always after the job or weekend or before the job and continuously later fall. What flickered were our monitors. Teacups, coffee mugs, empty cigarette packets on the table. Next to it, stacks of paper with sketches, organizational charts, calculations. I discovered my biggest love-hate relationship when creating terms of…
It wasn’t all pretty, no, it was this up and down within the bounds of normal – whatever that might be. One evening, sitting on the sofa, a definite feeling came over me: I want a child. More precisely: my body wants a child. Now. Soon. No, right away. The mind also quickly agreed and my girlfriend saw it the same way.
There are things that don’t really exist. And certainly not in your own relationship. And then you hear yourself say: leave the keys and go! First it rustles, then it clangs, and finally your apartment door crashes into the lock. You are left alone in the bathtub in which you were just lying together. What you see is fog. Until you realize that this is really happening right now. And then you start to shiver. That was me, after seven years of a marriage-like relationship.
Writing a blog, presenting my life publicly and realistically, is a very foreign thing to me. Nevertheless, I decided to do it because I think that my family constellation is a special one; there are hardly any role models for such a model. Not that I now believe I am necessarily such a role model – but there is me and this story and perhaps it takes us a bit further towards an expanded understanding of the everyday. That is my concern. Like so many things, my story starts with a bang.