Norman worked in an organic market in Prenzlauer Berg and met the craziest people there. So did Thomas and Ingmar, fathers of two adopted children. Curious as I was, we met quickly and we listened to her story. Adopt, USA, expensive, wow.
We wanted to do that too, but how to pay? It needed another plan.
Escape thoughts, hot chocolate and many meetings: the girls
While searching, we came across Familyship.org on 1/26/2012. The first seemingly reputable site for same-sex family planning. Quickly typed an ad and waited for news. Hardly any time would pass before the mails started coming. Completely overwhelmed, we wrote back to most of them. Sure, as a “donor” you could almost choose the women (couples). But most of them had ideas that were not compatible with ours. We also wanted to be fathers, not just donors or an uncle.
With a married couple from Mahlsdorf, a sympathy then quickly emerged. Messages turned into longer emails, and emails quickly turned into phone calls. We arranged to meet for coffee in a Berlin shopping center, no doubt very nervous and with thoughts of escape. You never know who’s coming.
It was great! We sat, talked and drank hot chocolate. One did not want to separate at all. Many more meetings followed and we became more and more sure: these are our girls.
By cup method to success
What do you do as a gay man before you donate your sperm? An HIV (and co.) test was needed. The girls were worried anyway, since we led a pretty loose lifestyle. Since everything was in order with me, it could start. We tried the cup method. It was to take a year for this to succeed.
House construction at the Berlin city limits
The girls needed space for the child. Also, living in the attic, without an elevator, is no fun with a stroller. Imagine it will be twins?! A house was the best option. So they went in search of suitable land and houses. It was to be the north-east, especially since they already lived in Mahlsdorf. Norman and I were content Friedrichshainers and loved the urban life, but when the girls found what they were looking for and there was still one available next to their reserved lot, we weakened. If family, then right. So we built houses together at the Berlin city limits in Hoppegarten. Each built his house, each on his own plot, but only 6 meters from each other.
During our construction phase, we met a little Vietnamese guy who turned my head in particular. We took Duong into our apartment as a lodger and both fell in love with him.
The girls didn’t find it funny at first, but eventually got used to him. In the meantime, Duong is married to me and is a permanent member of our family.
The house was finished in September 2013 and we could move in. Finally I didn’t have to drive 15 km to Mahlsdorf to donate sperm, it really simplified things. However, the pregnancy was still a long time coming.
Positive pregnancy test
I planned to take another four-week vacation at the end of 2013, and then there was another try (once). This time it should work right away. At the beginning of 2014, the picture with the two stripes on the pregnancy test came via Whatsapp from the neighbor’s house. Joy, no, huge joy came. Someone must have meant well for us. Now keep your fingers crossed and don’t tell anyone about it, because you never know if it will really work out.
Summer came, the ball on the belly could not be missed and we could share the joy with our families. All the parents were happy about it, a good feeling to break the news to my mom that she was going to be a grandma.
Double birthday at vending machine coffee
The date of birth was calculated on 13.11.2014. Man, three days before Norman’s birthday. Everyone was already joking about when HE would come late. And it was to turn out just that way. In the evening, 15.11. the girls went to the clinic in labor. We followed behind, not trusting anyone who said, ” We’ll let you know when the time comes.” So we spent about 12 hours in a neon light hospital hallway. In the meantime it was Norman’s birthday and we had delicious vending machine coffee.
But all the waiting was forgotten when the delivery room door opened and we were invited in, smiling.
Jaron Johannes & his rainbow family
There he lay, the little runt. (Even as I write this, I get misty-eyed thinking about that moment). It was bigger than I thought it would be. He was beautiful. Jaron looked at me with his big eyes, I didn’t even know how to hold him. Surely he’s fragile, I thought, trying not to do anything wrong. The nurses practiced a little bit with me, took away our fear and we were allowed to be there during the first diaper change. I felt most comfortable when he was leaning back against Mom’s body. That’s still the case today in some situations. Mom is just mom and that’s a good thing.
We gave him the name Jaron John. Jaron was the wish of the girls. I always knew our son had to be named John. Sure we call him Jaron today, but he will always have the fathers’ desired name.
Today, more than seven months after his birth, we are a real rainbow family. The girls, Norman, Duong and me.
Jaron has four grandmas and three grandpas, he will surely be spoiled later.
I would never have dreamed that everything would develop so positively. We have Jaron twice a week solid. Preferably we meet in the afternoon, Sunday much earlier. We eat together and have the so-called “evening program” with washing, brushing his teeth (he already has six of them) and putting him to bed. The moms often stop by during the week or we go to their house. There is hardly a day now that we don’t get to see Jaron. Today he smiles at Daddy and when we have him in our arms, he snuggles cheek to cheek. He then becomes silent and you can hear him breathing. It’s just this infinite love that you experience. A fulfillment, which one does not know without a child. For nothing in the world would we ever want to trade that.
Today we know that was not the last child. Personally, I would be happy to have two more. I hope that everyone who has this desire to become a father will also have the opportunity to become a father. I would like to see politicians recognize this type of family. Children must be allowed to have more than two parents before the law.
#lovewins
Christian
